I ask because my junk is in trouble and I need to make some decisions.

You see, with regard to my reproductive lady bits, I need to use them or lose them. Or don’t use them and lose them anyway. And go on hormone suppression therapy (we’re talking Lupron, ladies!) while I make up my mind.

Thanks to a borderline malignant tumor, I’m down to one ovary. And I have the *Endo*.

So even if the answer ultimately is “yes let’s make a baby!” the end result might actually be “sorry sucker, you and your one ovary & sticky uterus are shit outta luck!”

So tell me friends, what’s worse?

Having kids before one is ready?

Or finally feeling “ready” and learning that you and you’re one ovary are incapable of making a baby go?

Discuss. And let’s not with the “no one is ever REALLY ready” nonsense. I’m a pragmatist. And I came to PS for PS style honesty. I am relying on you all to deliver and decide for me if I should start playing Russian Roulette with Mr. Cowpie's dick sooner or later.

BTW, the good news is that I am no longer considering a breast reduction. I fear having a full hysterectomy and the tiny boobies that I so covet will make feel like a eunuch.

So, go on. Wear Mr. Cowpie's dick out. It is the thought that counts.

I will be 44 this year, so I have gone through the "should I have kids? Do I really want them?" routine in acknowledgment of my impending slide into menopause. I went back and forth, back and forth.

BUT...I ended up coming to the conclusion that the reason I did not have any kids up to that point was because I simply didn't want them. I don't know how old you are, but basically I thought about how spry I was when I was 30 compared to now and it's a pretty big difference. I've got nephews and a niece and they whoop my ass every time I am with them. I adore them, but holy shit am I ever glad to drive away to my own quiet home. There was a part of me that wanted to have a kid because I CAN. I have the ability to carry around another human inside of me, and that's pretty powerful. Would I be cheating myself by denying myself the opportunity? Maybe. But that's just 9 months. In the end, I realized I may want to HAVE a kid, but I don't really have an urge to RAISE a kid. And that's really the most important part. If I could be a surrogate, I would.

So ask yourself what your reasons are for not having them up to this point, and if those reasons still exist, figure out if they are negotiable. If the reasons are you don't have enough money or you were waiting to finish your degree, you can work with that and decide if its really a factor. If the reasons are because you never pictured yourself with kids or you hate kids, then don't let your medical condition cloud that instinct.

But that's not what you're asking.

So tell me friends, what’s worse?
Having kids before one is ready?
Or finally feeling “ready” and learning that you and you’re one ovary are incapable of making a baby go?

B. Finally feeling “ready” and learning that you and you’re one ovary are incapable of making a baby go is a trillion billion gazillion times worse. Horrible, horrible irreversible pain and regret, forever.

Hugs,
Similarily ovary-challenged UltraDawn

However, a lot depends on things. How old are you? Up until I was 24, I had no desire to have kids. Then all of a sudden, it was on my mind constantly. Now if you're in your late 30s, early 40s and never had that urge, then maybe you never will. There is nothing wrong with that.

How do you feel about adoption or surrogacy? If you decide to get rid of the innards now and in say, 4 years time decide you do want to be a parent, would you be okay with adoption or surrogacy? If the answer is yes, then take those puppies out because I know it can be painful to be having issues in there.

It is not an easy decision. We had the twins and then I was on birth control and my periods ended up totally disappeared but the time I was supposed to have them I was in immense pain (which was the big hint that there was something wrong). I mean pain where I would drop to the ground and feel like my insides were being torn apart. I had endometriosis and it's bastard cousin no one likes to talk about, ademyosis . It's like endometriosis but it's in the lining of the uterus itself. The only cure for ademyosis is a hysterectomy.

At that point, we wanted two, we got two. You'd think it would be an easy decision. But I still had to think about it and thinking about it did make me mourn for something I never even wanted (if that makes sense). We didn't want another kid. But I still kind of had to go through this grieving process over what will never be. Like if my husband dropped dead tomorrow and I remarried, I'd never be able to have another child. And that did make me sad and it was something I had to really think about before deciding to have the procedure done or not.

I did end up having the procedure done when I was 32. It was actually worse in there than the doc expected. One of my ovaries was so damaged it wasn't working. My cervix was damaged. Some of my tubing. It was a mess in there. I ended up having my uterus, one ovary, some tubing (not sure how much or how little), and part of my cervix removed. It was the best thing I ever did. If I had to go back in time, I would do it again in a heartbeat. Imagine going from blindingly painful periods to none at all. I love the feeling of not having to deal with horrible periods. I don't get those once a month pimples. I do not get the PMS mood swings. And did I mention, no more periods. I'll mention it one more time because it's so wonderful. No more periods. Ever. That's the best thing ever about a hysterectomy. One of my ovaries was functioning and I have polycystic ovaries and (at least my doc said) people with PCOS do not react well to hormone replacement and it's actually better for someone with PCOS to have both of their ovaries remain. One, as I said above, did have to be taken out but the other one was left alone. Strange, but I did have hotflashes in the beginning. I think my body was just getting used to the changes that had happened.

It's a tough decision. No one can see into the future. I think for you the biggest thing is how do you feel about adoption or surrogacy if you do decide down the road you want kids. Some people have no problem with those, some do. It's a personal decision but you just need to know that if for some reason you get a burning desire for kids, you would be able to do that by going that route.

when deciding to have kids please consider the following:

are you prepared to risk having stretch marks and saggy skin forever? (i have neither, but that's due to my mum's perfect genes)

are you prepared to go through childbirth and all the indignities that come with it?

are you prepared to suffer through with post-partum depression?

your child may not be the genious that you are hoping for. they may not be natural musicians, athletes or be able to paint like picasso. they may give you years of stress. not all sleep through the night, some puke a lot, some are different physically...it is a hugely selfless act to love a child who will be sick forever. i admire people who can do that. ask yourself if you can deal with this. do you have the capacity to love. my kids are healthy but my son was slow to speak (could not help but compare to friends' kids)

they are super expensive and if you are thinking to yourself you would rather remodel your kitchen and bathroom before paying for some kid's swimming lessons, you may want to reconsider having them. you may find yourself uncontrollably dressing them in super-cute outfits while you yourself sadly, have not worn stylish clothes since before they were born.

you may find yourself dropping your hobbies like hot potatoes. buh bye scuba diving. although i am making attempts to start tennis again.

those frequent get togethers with your girlfriends? they turn into annual get-togethers and you spend more time instead on playdates. (i still make time for my friends though)

oh, and it would help if the baby daddy is on board with the idea.

i could go on and on, but the fact remains that it is not an easy decision. i don't know how old you are but i had my 2 at 38 and 40 yrs of age so i had geriatric pregnancies. the risks are higher the longer you wait, but i was ready. i had no issues and never had to deal with miscarriage, pre eclampsia, diabetes.

you also may get with the package:

cute babies with chubby legs and adorable toes
unconditional love
a houseful of laughs
interesting stories. (i found out today that dinosaurs don't like vegetables)
seeing the change in your husband as he becomes a father is amazing
lots of new friends with kids
a certain pleasure teaching them and watching them learn
enjoyment in seeing how their mind works and develops
to live vicariously through them
grandkids...someday

so sorry to type so much, but my little stinkers are sleeping and i finally have some time for myself.

They can be a tremendous pain-in-the-ass sometimes, and you sink several boatloads of cash into each one, and there's no guarantee about how they turn out,or whether they like you, ... but they rock.

The best advice I can offer is to spend some time engaged in Trying-To-Conceive-Sex (TTCS) with Mr. Cowpie. See how you (both) react to that. If it's a no-go, then you've got adoption or being the cool aunt.

If you become pregnant, you then get to go through the experience. If it doesn't work, then you tried. If it turns out you'd rather be the cool aunt, then you've got that, too.

Regardless, best wishes for your health.

On the other hand, really the only time in life you have the chance to give another human being a name is when you have a child. Naming someone is really cool. I should have been in a fraternity like in Animal House just so I could have thought up names for the pledges. I may have more kids for no other reason than to name them.

I think you should have kids. If you don't like them, move to gobanana's neighborhood and yell at them.

I was never sure. I felt I could go either way, if it happened, fine, if not, I'd be okay. My biggest fear was finally feeling ready at like 45 and regretting not having any. When I decided I was reaching an age where I needed to start deciding (33) it was hard because in my head I was still only 25 and far too young to have kids. Biology was saying otherwise. At some point I just decided to put all scary thoughts out my head and just go for it.

So here's the thing, it doesn't matter if you are ready 'mentally', because once you are pregnant, your brain starts to become rewired. The 2nd trimester you get filled with 'baby drugs' that make it seem like being huge, having swollen feet, and not being able to eat sushi are all perfectly fine. Giving birth is awful, but all the sleep deprivation you suffer in the first 3-6 months makes you forget a lot of that...it also makes you forget a lot of that awful 3-6 months where you went from loving that baby more than anything in the world to wanting to throw it out the window. (Unfortunately, it also makes you forget everything else, so you become a very stupid person who can barely hold a basic conversation, spell correctly, or remember the name of that band you loved that sang that one song..what was it? forget it, you won't remember).

I don't know if it's my age or what, but I don't care that I'm missing out on all the stuff I would be doing if I didn't have kids. I love watching THEM enjoy life. It sounds dorky, I know. I think I got a lot of stuff out of my system in my 20's, so I was okay with giving up my whole life...but again, that could just be the 'rewiring' of the mommy brain talking.

But should you decide not to have kids, you won't really know what you are missing, so I don't think you will suffer for it. You will just find something else to enjoy about life...or like it's been mentioned, if you start to regret not having a kid, there is always adoption.

My kids are too young yet for me to feel regret. I did feel some regret with my 2nd one because he made my life hell at first, and I felt resentful that I couldn't be a better happier mom for my 2 year old, but now he's wonderful (9m) and it's my almost 3 year old who drives me bonkers most days. Some days you will think, 'what the fuck was I thinking???' other days you will think you have the best life ever. Usually, you are just so wrapped up running ragged for the little beasts that you are too tired and busy to feel regret. Plus, they are funny little buggers, so it's hard to hate them.

Good luck with your decision (also, I'm very sorry to hear about your health issues).

ETA- Just so you know, any cheese that is pasteurized is fine, except blue cheese, and lord did I miss it. You'll just have to eat crappy american-made brie instead of the good stinky stuff from France. But if you love lox (like I do) you're screwed. Also, morning sickness made me want to kill myself and I'd rather give birth 10x over than ever have to suffer morning sickness again...but I had it pretty bad and for the whole 1st trimester.

I think one of the bigger considerations is the baby daddy. Is that end of your life solid? Remember he will always be connected to you by the child and I know a few women who love their kids but regret having them with 1. A loser 2. A cheater 3. An immature selfish prick. And most of them knew before having the baby that he wasn't father material - one admits she thought he would "settle down" for baby.

Good luck cowpie no matter which path you travel.

I'd say spare yourself the trouble and live out your years sans kids.

I thought I was ready for Little Lurker, but as soon as he was born I realized I wasn't. You learn fast. I'm only 2-1/2 years in but I can say everything other posters have mentioned regarding how difficult kids can be is true. And you're life changes suddenly and completely. There's been times where I've seriously contemplating buying a shock collar. Other times I've looked at Mrs. Lurker and said, "this gets easier, right? RIGHT?"

But I've never regretted having kids. As e_m touched on, there's a lot of really amazing stuff too. Levels of love and pride you'll never know as a non parent. If someone had told me that five years ago I'd have given them a sour look and made the "jerk off" motion. But it's true. Even during the roughest patches of shit and fire I've never wished I could go back to no kids.

This message was brought to you by Whamm-o! the makers of the children's beer bong, available at your local Wal-Mart:

Congratulations on your decision. Everything else is inconsequential.

Both of us experienced the urge to have kids, or more exactly the urge to want to have kids, but we resisted until the biological imperative faded. I almost had a kid once, because I thought I wanted to, and that damn biological imperative was really pushing me, and I am glad I didn't.

Both of us strongly feel that we have contributed a lot to the lives of our friends and family, and to the lives of children of our friends and family. We serve a good purpose, really - a break from the parents. An influence and an opinion not shadowed by the sheer panic that can come with parenthood. (Just last weekend I taught the child of a friend some new slang! Nothing bad, just unusual for a 5 year old...) But both of us love our lives and wouldn't change a thing.

My sister had a kid, knew as soon as he was born that she most likely shouldn't have, but loves him dearly and so far, raised a wonderful, smart, caring kid. She resisted the urge to have a second kid (medical things helped her resist) and is very happy. Nice stable family and probably one of the world's best mothers. But honestly, I think she would have been happy either way. One of my nieces has 4 kids under the age of 6. She LOVES it! She will probaby have more. Everyone is different.

Of course things will most likely work out whichever you choose. If you don't have a kid, you will find lots of things on which to spend your nurturing and most likely have a happy life. If you have a kid, you will most likely be a good mother and raise a good human.

Not trying to be flip - the decision to have a kid naturally feels like a really important one. It felt important to me at one time. But I'm not sure having a kid is as important a thing to do for everyone as it feels like.

Only have a kid if you really really want one. And I mean REALLY want one!

Ask yourself, "Do you ever see yourself wanting a child?" It doesn't have to be now, just ever.

Make sure you want a child, not just a baby or to be pregnant. Too many women love the babies and being preggo, but don't really the thought that those little suckers turn into angsty teenagers.

And yes, like others said, you can always adopt later, or get a puppy.

Can't speak for the urges and bilogical imperative, not to mention the social pressures that women feel. As a male, I saw it as a chance to get laid.

Some of my regrets involve the important people in my life that my boys will never meet. As my eldest has entered into double-digits, his attitude has become more like that of a surly teenager, and it does make me long for the days when he was still fully at my mercy.

The downside to that is that he was fully dependent on us for everything.

Now he can take care of himself and his little brother (to a certain extent), long enough for the grown-ups to remember what adult life can be like, and even (gasp!) sleep in sometimes.

If you are waiting until you are ready, you may never be. If you are waiting until you have enough money, you will NEVER have kids. Ever. Adoption is a viable option and should not be considered any less viable a way to have kids.

I guess you have to decide how soon before the lady bits are evicted and whether you feel confident that you will have the overwhelming desire to have kids in that time. Not "it might be nice", but "I NEED to be a parent now" and make sure Mr. Cowpie is ready too. If the two of you aren't on the same page, the shit will hit the fan eventually.

eta: If you have some time, a dog is a good starting point. If caring for a dog is too much or somehow interferes with the lifestyle you want to live, then you are NOT ready for a child. Not by a long shot. Hospitals have very draconian and inflexible no-return policies when it comes to kids.

okay, i don't think confucius actually said that, but i heard it once when i was considering reproducing and it stuck in my head.

as for being ready - i got knocked up when i was single, bartending, with no health insurance. so basically not ready at all. but i felt like i had to take responsibility for my lack of responsibility in the planning dept and went ahead and grew this little person inside of me and then pushed her out into the world and i gotta say, it was one of the coolest experiences i've ever had.

i love her dearly. i would do anything for her. she is the most amazing person i have ever known. sometimes she drives me crazy, and sometimes i look at her in complete awe and feel like the luckiest mom in the world. no regrets, ever. she makes me a better person.

And I don't get the idea of regretting not having one. What's there to regret? For all you know, you'll be a terrible mother. In fact, statistically, it's almost a certainty that your kid, while possibly a cute novelty in the beginning, will grow to be another brain dead stain just like everybody else. Do you need that failure on your shoulders?

Regretting not having a kid is like regretting not being a multi billionaire, or not being a famous sports star, or not being born pretty. It's something that never happened. Who gives a shit?

And don't start with "but having a kid is something I could have done." There's a lot of shit you could do. I could stick a G.I. Joe up my ass and run around the streets in a toga proclaiming the second coming of Christ, but that doesn't make it a good fucking idea.

I say no.

Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Did you have a relatively happy childhood? Do you think you want to parent just so you can show your family how it's really supposed to be done? Having kids is a terrible way to work out your own Mommy or Daddy issues. See a therapist for that, don't torture a defenseless human being who isn't being paid to deal with your crap.

Parents will never say they regret having their children. Doing that is admitting that the main focus of your life for about 22 years has been a complete mistake. That would send them all over the edge. I'm totally fine with parents rationalizing their existence with talk of this magical love and amazing experience. So, there are about 130 million amazing, magically loved children born in the world each year. Four little miracles enter the world each second. It's not exactly rare. With all that magical, amazing love, you'd think that people would be happier. Go figure.

If you're not infected with baby rabies now, you probably never will be. Be glad. If it comes over you with a powerful urge when it's too late, I'm sure you can hang around ob/gyn offices and find a pregnant woman with similar physical characteristics. Then you can stalk her, kidnap her and steal her fetus all while faking your own pregnancy. Spare yourself those nasty stretchmarks.

Obviously, I'm a fan...but a child of any kind can bring the joy into your life...whether of your own blood or through adoption. Don't rule out the possibility because of the nay-sayers without children opinions voiced in this thread. Your life will change drastically, but in my opinion, for the far better...as you experience the rest of your life through the eyes of your child. Oh what a difference that view will make in your own journey.

Very long-winded, but I am very passionate on the subject! Having said all of that...please follow your heart and don't pay much attention to all of our silly-ass opinions! It will lead you in the right direction.

I don't know if there is something wrong with this kid, but she's just horrible to be around. She NEVER smiles. Ever. Even as a baby, even when you tickle her or do the other things that normally make a kid laugh. She's violent in a very calculating way and completely joyless. I don't know if it's Daddy's detachment or what, but I've never seen anything quite like it. Sorry if this sounds heartless, but I've never heard of anyone who's regretted a breast reduction.

I'm childless by choice, so what do I know? My two cents is don't do it if you're not ready. There is always the option to adopt.

I've accepted my fate and am satified living vicariously through the pics and stories I read about my friends who saw fit and were fit (and none of them that I can see weren't) to have children.

Why parents hate parenting

I thought it was pretty much spot on and would be worth reading for someone in your situation. The part that stuck with me was the guy who said something like "Children are the #1 source of joy... but they turn every other source of joy to shit."

My story is, I married at 24, divorced and 28 with no kids, then had five or six years of travelling, living by myself with my cats, doing whatever I wanted with no one to bother me, etc. etc. But I always felt like if I didn't get to have kids I would just be miserable.

I ended up getting married again at 35, had son #1 at 36 and son #2 at 39. I think I would say my only regret is not being able to have kids earlier in life. I am freaking exhausted. All the time. I'm 40 years old, work full time, with two small kids, and I feel like it's killing me. Yes, I adore them, but am I happier than if I hadn't? Probably not. But I know myself and I would have always regretted not having them, for sure. Plus, I really have never experienced a more pure joy than I felt seeing them and holding them for the first time.

So part of me wants to say do it now before you get old and tired! But the other part of me wants to say don't do it! Enjoy your life! Either way is valid. Good luck!